The Infection of Nagato Yuki
by unknown user
Summary: It all started with a book. It all ended with an infocalypse. Ch 1 updated, ch 3 uploaded. YukiKyon.
1. Chapter 1

**The Infection of Nagato Yuki**

--

I would never have expected this. I mean, Haruhi is likely to get into trouble (frequently) and she doesn't even need a book, but Yuki? I doubt that I could have even expected such a thing to occur. She's a data-alien-thing, right? Shouldn't she have antivirus?

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's start from the beginning, from that fateful day... at the library. (cue dramatic music).

Yes, I was at the library with Yuki. I had to; when you're about to be clobbered by a glowing air-giant, and someone's last message to you is such a simple request, how could you do the dishonor of refusing at a later date? I suppose this makes me at fault, but how could I have known? It began with a book... Yuki likes books -- I think that's probably all she likes. She was looking at this book (this very thick book), and I was standing there, thinking she'd asked me to accompany her for a reason, and wondering why she wasn't saying anything. So.

**Are you going to get it? I'd like to get out of here before sunset, in case Haruhi phones me at midnight again for more 3am esper-hunting.**

"I..." I could hear the gears spinning in her head; if this were an anime, I'd see the chobits-style processing lights in her eyes. "Yes."

**Then let's get on with it. All these books are making me dizzy.** I never liked being surrounded by books, and the shelves in this section were so high that I was beginning to feel vertigo. Or maybe it wasn't the shelves. I had a distinct sensation, even then, that the shelves and the books themselves were bending with my breath, but memories are not to be trusted. Not now.

After checking it out and walking Yuki to her appartment (she didn't seem to notice), I biked home and partook of a (thankfully) dreamless sleep, feeling quite nearly pleasant when my alarm clock (in the form of my incredibly annoying yet cute little sister) got me up for school. I packed up happily, and actually felt cheerful on my way up the long hill, and even the thought of Haruhi sitting behind me in class seemed tinged with happiness. This alone should have tipped me off.

As I entered the classroom, it was devoid of students -- at every desk, there sat an identical clean-cut gaijin in a black suit, with out-of-style sunglasses and shiny black shoes, turning towards me as I entered.

**Woah... What class did I walk in on?**

"Kyon! What are you talking about?!" One of the suited men, speaking in a synthetic replica of Haruhi's voice, stood up and walked towards me. I've seen a lot of wierd things in my day, so this didn't phase me. Well, maybe a little.

**What are you doing?! You're not Haruhi!** I swiped her hand away.

"Kyon, what is wrong with you? You **know** you shouldn't come into school when you're delirious; you might pass it on to me!"

**You can't catch delirium -- if you could, I would have caught it from you!** At that moment, I realized it really **was** Haruhi. No one else could possibly make such a ridiculous statement and mean it. I don't know how, but the suited man figure faded away, and Haruhi, looking uncharacteristically concerned, was revealed. All the other suited men looked at each other, and then disappeared.

"Kyon... Are you alright?" Her hand was still on my cheek.

**Are you?** I was very wierded out -- I'm not sure if it was the MIBs, or the fact that Haruhi was acting empathetic.

"You... What the hell was that?! You just totally freaked on me! You know, if you go nuts on me, the SOS brigade will have no use for you!"

This was all too wierd. Luckily, just then, the entire remainder of the class flooded in. This in of itself was pretty unusual, but it gave me some much needed distraction. Also, the home room teacher walked in behind them -- five minutes early.

After class, Haruhi was adamant (as always): "Don't forget to go to the club room immediately! I have some things to do, so I'll be there a little late." Having "some things to do" is always a bad sign, but since the alternative is worse, I didn't question.

**I'd go even if you didn't tell me to. It's not like I have anything else to do; the SOS brigade takes all my time.**

"Good. Keep it that way." Yep, definitely Haruhi.

As I sat down, the tea was brewing, the board game was set up, and Yuki was in the corner with a book. It all seemed almost normal, though in retrospect, only Yuki was present, so the tea was brewing itself and the boardgame was set up before I entered by parties unknown. The tea served itself as well, though I barely noticed, quiet as Mikuru-chan usually is when serving tea. It tasted as good as always as well.

Five minutes later (on the dot -- I timed it), Haruhi burst through the door carrying two shopping bags. Ignoring me, she rushed over across the room, sat the bags at the desk, and sat down at the computer. Unusually, Yuki's book caught her eye. "I have that book," she said, as she booted up the computer (a brand new Mac -- I could have sworn we stole a different brand). I looked at the spine of the book -- complex english words, but I was able to read them barely -- "The Illuminatus! Trilogy". An odd taste, that girl has. The cover looked like some kind of bizzare Salvador Dali-themed scifi-fantasy novel.

"Hey... Where are Mikuru and Koizumi?" This is when I noticed their absence. "If they miss club again, I'm going to have their heads! I thought I told them that already!"

"They have some other matters to attend to, so I took over their duties for the time being." A mouthful, for the normally silent Yuki, but compared to the lecture I got in her appartment, it was nothing.

"Oh... That's no good. But I guess it's okay if you took over. I'll just have to wait a while to have their heads! Hahahahaha!" With this, normality returned... or what passes for it, these days.

--

A/N  
Just something I'm playing around with -- if you can figure out where I'm going with this, then maybe you should be writing it, not me. I have a plan for it, but it is seriously wierd and conveluted, and has a surprise ending. It also will NOT be canon to the books (or to the new series, if it ever comes out). Is an 13 year old likely to understand The Illuminatus! Trilogy? I don't know -- Haruhi is smart, but I think I'd have to stretch things a bit for her to read a thick book in english that is that complex and confusing at age 13 (i.e., 3 years before the beginning of the series). It'd certainly explain things though. Anyway, please review... I should note that I am NOT skilled in Kyon's writing style, and need some pointers with that. If I write in my usual style (which is more like Yuki's phrasology) I seem more fluid, but attempting Kyon's style always makes me feel stupid and illiterate. Anyway, it's about 4am right now, so I may have another chapter by morning.

NB: Fixed some minor issues (such as the bad age estimate -- I thought Haruhi & co were 14! Thank goddess someone on IRC knows the ins and outs of the .jp school system :P). And no, I am not implying that Haruhi read the book recently -- the idea is that she read it 3 years before (I thought that was pretty obvious, but it's a major plot element).


	2. Chapter 2

**The Infection of Nagato Yuki**

**Chapter 02**

--

And so it begins. It's an odd start, and surely the source of the oddness seems to be me. But I'm not nuts, I promise you. ... Well, actually, I'm not so sure anymore. Nothing is true.

The oddness (which is compounded on top of the normal oddness that the SOS brigade deals with daily, including blue giants made of noble gases, giant cave crickets, time loops like infinity signs, cute but rather clueless time travelers, and espers who are terrible at board games) seemed to be growing, for some reason. I, being one of the two presumably sane people in the brigade, decided to ask the other one what was going on.

Her answer surprised me, but even more than that, the way she answered:

"My mission has been completed. The Integrated Data Thought Entity has bypassed entropy by harnessing and comprehending chaos, because the limits to control lie not in the limits of organization or modification but the limits imposed by the perceived necessity of universality in codification of organization of limitations. The fifth wall has been breached. Article V has been invoked, and the fifth age starts. Suzumiya alone has the power but not the understanding. We comprehend."

**That was a mouthful. Since when did you start giving me multi-word replies?** But I daren't ask -- what was that deep nebula-like glow somewhere in those dark, wide pupils? And was that the ghost of a smile on her normally frozen face? Tell me! I wish I didn't have to think about this -- the memories that a smiling Nagato brings up are not at all pleasant. If you have the answer, please email it. Even if you send a paper letter right now by post and air-mail express, it won't get here before the world collapses!

"I no longer am limited in modes of expression. I no longer am a tool for the use of the IDE. I am."

**Wait... what?**

"Non serviam."

With that odd bit of speech in some bizarre european language, she turned to the door and started walking. When she reached the door, she looked back at me, and I thought I saw an expression on her face -- a look of pure compassion with a hint of pity. "It's what the nice fellow with the horns said to the old bearded guy in the sky. And it is what I will be telling my 'superiors' in the IDE, as well as Suzumiya-kun. Take the book. Read it. It is the key."

**The key to what? Wait... First, I should ask: what book?** But the book was already in my hands. I knew of her bonus magic, and all of her odd wizardry and speaking in tongues and such, but usually she had to chant some computer code to do anything that weird. I took a glance at it.

"_The Illuminatus! Trilogy_".

Nagato, you nutty alien! No, I shouldn't say that... She is the only sane one around. I see it now. I haven't gotten through the book yet, but even now, I see my mistake. Order is a way of looking at chaos, and chaos is a way of looking at order. I have always thought myself the sane one of the bunch, but sane by whose standards? I try to be normal, as much as possible, but if no one is normal, than how can I be? 'Normal' is just a statistical average: the average person has one and a quarter breasts, runs a pirated copy of windows 95, does not own a computer, and lives in soviet block housing in india with no toilets and wireless internet. I have been seeking to be accepted, but really, I'm just Haruhi inside. And so is everyone else.

I did not know this at the time. The events around me kept getting stranger.

Did I tell you before, that Tanaguchi put Nagato on the 'A' list? I would not have thought that at the time, but now, all the 1st and 2nd year guys were clamoring for a date with her. Even the 3rd years would be going after her, if they didn't have tests coming up. Why this, so suddenly? Perhaps it's because of Rebuild of Evangelion being run as a marathon on TV and everyone realizing we had our own Ayanami Rei in the classroom? No, I think not. If that were the case, Haruhi would have caught on, and would have stuffed poor Nagato into a mock plug-suit she got on ebay and auctioned off dates. No, instead, Nagato (silent Nagato, always the same, always the quiet voice of reason) slowly took a position of... Command, was it? Meanwhile...

**Haruhi. Yo, Haruhi! Get up!**

"Huh? Oh, sorry Kyon." She got up quietly.

**What the hell has gotten into you? You normally are the energetic one. If a situation like this pops up, there's usually melancholy, and that means bad news. So, I hate to say it, but show some spirit already! I'd rather have you torturing poor Asahina-san and having the smiling Koizumi hitting on me again than be trapped in a grey world with big blue guys that smash things, no matter how cutely you grab my arm or tug my sleeve!** That's not exactly what I said, but close enough.

"Oh."

**Oh?! Geez, get up already. Why don't we go out looking for espers or something?** Anything but having to be rescued by real ones...

"There are none. Or if there are, they are no more interesting than Itsuki-kun."

**I'd agree with that, but that's not to say Koizumi is not interesting... what am I saying?** Instead of saying that, I just shut up and waited for the monochrome apocalypse. But it never came.

Five days. Five days since Nagato said those mysterious words.

In that time, Nagato has become less and less like herself. In fact, I don't wish to insult whatever gods the Integrated Data Whatsit pray to, but Nagato seems to be getting more... Haruhi-like. Haruhi, on the other hand... Well, you saw.

Is this the work of our "enemy", whoever it is? If so, how can we possibly defeat it, with all our trump cards removed from sleeve and thrown out the window into the rain, and all our card counters having their signals jammed and their calculators broken? All we have is the smiling idiot Koizumi, who is useless without Haruhi, the cute but helpless Asahina-san, who always relies on me for things, and myself, having no clue what's going on. Well, I guess we can all just hunker down in the grey fake world and play Fukuwarai while Koizumi draws pretty diagrams of all the potential ways we _can't_ get out.

Hey, Integrated Data Thought Whatever Thing! If you can hear me, do something! Your interface device has gone rogue and is taking down the ship and ruining God's fun!

... Like they care.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Infection of Nagato Yuki**

**Chapter 3**

It was the eve of the fifth day when finally something happened. I had been expecting the IDE to kick in, or something. Instead, what happened was far more... surprising.

**What the hell?** There I was, in the club room. Lying down on the long table. **Don't tell me... Melancholy again? Haruhi, you unstable bitch...**

"No."

**Well, that's goo-- wait... Nagato?**

"Yuki. I no longer wish to be identified with a machine for killing." She sat in the corner, with a book. Oddly, she had her glasses back.

**What's going on?** She seemed... _way_ too calm. Is this the alternate-Yuki? The thought of a smiling Yuki tugging on my sleeve cutely... Oddly, it didn't seem so terrifying anymore.

"Nothing."

**...**

"There are no blue giants. There are no dangers. There is simply you and me in this temporary sealed space." She pushed up her glasses.

**Naga-- Err... Yuki-san, you're scaring me.**

"Resistance is futile." Was that... a ghost of a smile? "You shall be assimilated."

**Wait! Nagato! Hold on a se--** What the hell? **Why...**

"Since the beginning, it has been only me. That is what I said, the first time. There are no problems that cannot be solved, regardless of Godel and Turing's incomputability papers. Once one comes to terms with loneliness as a problem, it can be solved." Hearing her speak this way, in this monotone while stiffly hugging me, was weirding me out, but I am not one to ignore a damsel in distress, even if it's just emotional distress. Hell, I didn't even let Haruhi down.

**Fine. I hope this doesn't become a nightly thing.** Of course, I kind of hoped it did, but to say it would not be wise.

"You will be well rested in the morning." I felt her breath on my neck. Wait... breath? Looking back in time, I can't remember one time wherein she was seen breathing. Even on cold days, there were no white clouds from her mouth. Perhaps these advanced alien technologies don't require cooling? Is she made of room temperature superconductors? Probably not, since she overheated that time on snow mountain, but that was the work of the "Enemy", wasn't it?

"I will leave it to this. Perhaps things can progress in the future. That would be... pleasant."

**Mrs Robinson, are you trying to seduce me**? If she is, Haruhi will be pissed as hell. For some reason, in retrospect, I notice that I didn't even think of Asahina-san the whole time. Usually she is the memory that keeps me in line. Was it the sealed space, which Nagato -- I mean, Yuki -- had sole jurisdiction over? Or was it that I was beginning to fall?

The fall... I remember little of judaeochristian theology from what I was taught in school and what I saw in Evangelion, but that bit was interesting because the same idea pops up all over. You disobey, you are tempted away, and you are discovered only to pay the price and have the temptor disappear. I, while living, have conquered the universe through the power of truth. Is the one falling Yuki, or is it myself? If Haruhi really is god, who will meet her wrath? I rather think Haruhi more like that cranky old-testament god -- no, actually, she's more like Cthulu... She plays with us and has fun, and when she gets bored, she'll kill us all for some laughs. Rather like the Mysterious Stranger, no?

She kept her word. I _did_ feel well rested in the morning. But still, what scares me the most is my lack of fear. "The only thing to fear is fear itself." So they say, but isn't it also scary not to be afraid when, really, you should? Otherwise, fear wouldn't exist -- it'd have no function. Just as fear can be played off of, so can lack of fear.

She has me in the palm of her hand. What can I do, but obey her will?

No. I don't have to.

I can _be_ her.


End file.
